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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?